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Editing Sample: Proofreading a Nursing Essay Extract: Tracked Changes

Published by at July 30th, 2026 , Revised On July 30, 2026

Type: Editing  |  Subject: Nursing  |  Level: Undergraduate  |  Word Count: ~1800 words

This model editing sample was produced by an Essays UK specialist as reference material for learning purposes only. For support in this field, see our nursing essay specialists.

The Brief

You are a first-year Nursing student. You have drafted an extract from an essay on the importance of communication in nursing practice and would like it proofread and improved before submission, with particular attention to grammar, clarity, sentence structure, academic tone, and Harvard referencing accuracy.

Model Answer

Original Extract (Before)

Communication is a really important thing in nursing and its something that effects patient care in so many ways, if a nurse dont communicate well with there patients this can lead to mistakes happening and patients not trusting the nurse which is obviously not good for the therapeutic relationship. In my opinion, good communication skills are just as important as clinical skills, maybe even more important in some situations like when your dealing with a patient who is scared or confused, especially on a busy ward where there isnt always alot of time to spend with each person.

There is alot of research about this topic, for example Smith 2019 says that communication failures are one of the main causes of complaints in the NHS, this shows how big of a problem it can actually be. Also nurses need to use active listening, this means really paying attention to what the patient is saying and not just waiting for your turn to talk, its a skill that takes practice to develop properly and alot of student nurses find it hard at first.

Non-verbal communication matters too, like eye contact and body language, these things can make a patient feel more comfortable or less comfortable depending on how there done. Cultural differences is another factor, different patients from different backgrounds might have different expectations about communication and nurses should be aware of this so they dont accidentally offend someone or make them feel misunderstood, which happens more then people realise in busy wards.

Documentation is another part of communication that dont get talked about enough, nurses have to write clear notes so that other staff know whats happening with the patient, if the notes are messy or full of abreviations that not everyone understands this can cause confusion during handover and effect patient safety in a big way.

To conclude, communication is basically the most important skill a nurse can have and more training should be given on it because right now alot of nurses dont get enough training on communication skills which is a problem that needs to be fixed and this really needs to change soon for the good of patients.

With Tracked Changes

Communication is a really important thinga fundamental componentEditor: Avoid vague intensifiers (“really”) in academic writing; use precise, discipline-appropriate vocabulary. in nursing and its something that effectsit is something that affects patient care in so many ways, if a nurse dont communicate well with there patients this can lead to mistakes happening and patients not trusting the nurse which is obviously not good forseveral ways. If a nurse does not communicate effectively with their patients, this can lead to clinical errors and a loss of patient trust, which underminesEditor: Long run-on sentence split into two; subject-verb agreement (“dont” to “does not”) and there/their corrected. the therapeutic relationship. In my opinion, goodGood communication skills are just asarguably as important as clinical skillsEditor: First-person opinion phrasing removed in favour of an impersonal, evidence-based academic register., maybe even more important in some situations like when your dealing withand may be even more important in situations involving a patient who is scared or confused, especially on a busy ward where there isnt always alot ofthere is not always a great deal of time to spend with each person.

There is alot of research about this topic, for example Smith 2019 saysA considerable body of research addresses this topic; for example, Smith (2019) arguesEditor: Corrected spelling (“a lot”) and reformatted the citation to Harvard in-text style, “(2019)”, rather than reporting the author’s name as part of the sentence. that communication failures are one of the main causes of complaints in the NHS, this shows how big of a problem it can actually be, indicating the scale of the problem. Nurses also need to use active listening, this means really paying attention to what the patient is saying and not just waiting for your turn to talk, itsalso need to practise active listening, which means attentively focusing on what the patient is saying rather than simply waiting to respond; it is a skill that takes practice to develop properly, and alot of student nurses find it hard at firstmany student nurses find it challenging at first.

Non-verbal communication matters too, likeis also significant, including eye contact and body language, these things can make a patient feel more comfortable or less comfortable depending on how there done, both of which can increase or reduce a patient’s sense of comfort depending on how they are used. Cultural differences isare another factorEditor: Subject-verb agreement corrected throughout (“is” to “are”, “there” to “their”/”they are”).; different patients from different backgrounds might have different expectations about communication and nurses should be aware of this so they dont accidentally offend someone or make them feel misunderstood, which happens more then people realise in busy wardspatients from different cultural backgrounds may hold different expectations about communication, and nurses should remain aware of this to avoid inadvertently causing offence or misunderstanding, which occurs more frequently than is often recognised in busy clinical settings.

Documentation is another part of communication that dont get talked about enoughdoes not receive enough attention, nurses have to write clear notes so that other staff know whats happeningwhat is happening with the patient. If the notes are messy or full of abreviations that not everyone understandsunfamiliar abbreviations this can cause confusion during handover and effectaffect patient safety in a big wayEditor: Corrected the frequently confused “effect/affect” pair and the spelling of “abbreviations”; informal contractions (“dont”, “whats”) also corrected throughout..

To conclude, communication is basically the most important skill a nurse can have and more training should be given on it because right now alot of nurses dont get enough training on communication skills which is a problem that needs to be fixed and this really needs to change soon for the good of patients.In conclusion, communication is one of the most important skills a nurse can possess, and additional training should be provided, since many nurses currently do not receive sufficient training in this area, to the ultimate benefit of patient care.Editor: Removed filler wording (“basically”, “really needs to change soon”) and repetitive phrasing; tightened the conclusion for a clearer, more concise academic close.

Clean Edited Version (After)

Communication is a fundamental component in nursing and it is something that affects patient care in several ways. If a nurse does not communicate effectively with their patients, this can lead to clinical errors and a loss of patient trust, which undermines the therapeutic relationship. Good communication skills are arguably as important as clinical skills, and may be even more important in situations involving a patient who is scared or confused, especially on a busy ward where there is not always a great deal of time to spend with each person.

A considerable body of research addresses this topic; for example, Smith (2019) argues that communication failures are one of the main causes of complaints in the NHS, indicating the scale of the problem. Nurses also need to practise active listening, which means attentively focusing on what the patient is saying rather than simply waiting to respond; it is a skill that takes practice to develop properly, and many student nurses find it challenging at first.

Non-verbal communication is also significant, including eye contact and body language, both of which can increase or reduce a patient’s sense of comfort depending on how they are used. Cultural differences are another factor; patients from different cultural backgrounds may hold different expectations about communication, and nurses should remain aware of this to avoid inadvertently causing offence or misunderstanding, which occurs more frequently than is often recognised in busy clinical settings.

Documentation is another part of communication that does not receive enough attention, nurses have to write clear notes so that other staff know what is happening with the patient. If the notes are messy or full of unfamiliar abbreviations this can cause confusion during handover and affect patient safety in a big way.

In conclusion, communication is one of the most important skills a nurse can possess, and additional training should be provided, since many nurses currently do not receive sufficient training in this area, to the ultimate benefit of patient care.

What the Editor Changed and Why

Grammar. Subject-verb agreement errors (“dont” to “does not”, “is” to “are”), incorrect homophones (“there” to “their”/”they are”, “then” to “than”, “effect” to “affect”) and non-standard contractions were corrected throughout, meeting the grammatical accuracy expected in academic nursing work.

Clarity and wordiness. Vague intensifiers and filler words such as “really”, “a lot” and “basically” were removed or replaced with precise vocabulary, and repetitive closing phrases were tightened so that each sentence carries a single, clear idea rather than several loosely joined ones.

Structure. The long, meandering opening sentence was split into two connected sentences, separating the general claim about communication from the specific causal link to patient trust, which makes the paragraph’s underlying logic considerably easier for a marker to follow.

Academic tone. First-person opinion phrasing (“In my opinion”) and informal address (“your dealing with”) were replaced with impersonal, evidence-based phrasing consistent with the objective, third-person register expected in undergraduate nursing essays.

Referencing. The informal citation “Smith 2019 says” was reformatted to the Harvard in-text convention, “Smith (2019) argues”, ensuring the source is attributed correctly and consistently in the style required by the nursing programme’s referencing guide.

Paragraph flow. Minor connecting phrases were added between sentences within each paragraph so that ideas about verbal communication, active listening, non-verbal cues, cultural awareness and documentation read as one connected, developing argument rather than a disjointed list of separate points.

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About Jesse Pinkman

Avatar for Jesse PinkmanJessie Pinkman has been writing since childhood when her mother gave her a book where she could write her stories. Since then Jessie has always loved to write about the topics she loves. She graduated from Birmingham University in 2012, worked as a teaching assistant, and then turned to full-time writing in 2016.

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